After repeatedly failing to obtain additional troops from allies, Donald Rumsfeld has announced the deployment of street gangs to restore order in chaotic Baghdad. "We have determined that the current situation in Iraq is getting increasingly dangerous for the troops currently deployed there. The number of attacks has risen from 12 a day to 20-25 a day in recent weeks, and we're determined to do something about that. Therefore, we are deploying our best trained, best equipped urban warfare troops to Baghdad to restore order," Rumsfeld told the press. (more...)

Rumsfeld will initially deploy The Crips, The Bloods, NS-13 and the 18th Street Gang to separate sections of Baghdad to take and hold turf, and cap some guerrillas in the process. During a closed cell meeting with the gang leadership at Corcoran State Prison, Rumfeld broke it down for the men:
"Whadup, Dawgs? I ain't here to dis you, but you can either get down for the hood or chingate. It ain't right the way Hussein's been fronting-in the President, so if you're willing to fly our colors in Baghdad, then you can jet. Our troops are getting lit up daily but, hey, we ain't boned out yet. No diggity, we're gonna get some juice after we move on these clucks. This where you come in."

The gang leadership agreed to the "Baghdad Banging" and were released to round up their elite troops for immediate deployment. "Secretary Rumsfeld was amazingly persuasive in asking for our help. We are honored to be called upon to defend this great country and protect our interests abroad, " said Leroy "The Viceroy" Washington, commander of the Southside Crips, whose territory will include south-central Baghdad.

The 18th Street Gang has already been deployed in eastern Baghdad, and are on the ground with their taggers out in force, scouting out possible guerrilla positions and delineating territorial boundaries. "Our Fixers have provided us with the most advanced weaponry on the market. These guerillas must be geeking if they think they stand a chance against us, Ese," remarked Juan "El Cid" Rameriez, The 18th Street Gang's Right-Hand. "I know the President said he wanted to smoke 'em out, but with all due respect, we're just going to smoke 'em."

When asked if it were sound judgement to release thousands of street gang members into Baghdad, Rumsfeld replied, "Why you trippin', G? Check it out, we've got 25,000 strapped, hardcore gang members with their own equipment bumping titties with a second rate guerrilla force and backing up the local 5-0. That makes 'em Ace Kool to me. Just wait until I get the Hell's Angels over there to protect the supply line. That'll be totally dope."